Scarlett Chesser

  December 29, 2022 152 days of sobriety! Today I am celebrating  5 months of sobriety! I am also celebrating the fact that I survived the Christmas holiday, and I stayed sober!!!  In general, the holidays can be a hectic time of year for so many people.  The hustle and bustle of the season can definitely just about drive anyone to drink or at the very least test our sanity.  The shopping, the crowds, the traffic, the money, the decorations, the gift wrapping, the cooking, the traveling, the parties, the family...the lists of triggers could go on and on for some. It is not uncommon to hear other alcoholics testify to their levels of stress during this season and the enormous amount of triggers that are present. We are not alone!  As much as I do enjoy certain aspects of the holidays and the joy it brings my family, I would be lying if I didn't admit to the rise in anxiety levels I personally have experienced as Christmas Day approaches.  There were ple...

  December 16, 2022 139 days In the past week, I have experienced a range of feelings and emotions.  I was excited to have the opportunity to attend another wedding sober, and I was able to go to our Annual Indian River County Cattlemen's Association Christmas Party and Auction clear headed. As the Big Book describes on page 340, "Alcohol had enslaved me." In the past, it was difficult for me to fathom going anywhere without drinking first.  Especially towards the end of my demise, I needed a drink to just about leave the house and attend any social event. Anxiety, in general, is a huge trigger for me.  Social anxiety, especially, is a huge trigger for me.  I felt like I just couldn't handle the pressure of social events, without taking that first sip.  The problem for me, is, that the first sip always turned into a night long binger and the ramifications of that became more and more apparent.  Last Saturday, James, Reina, and I headed out of town to O...

 December 4, 2022 127 days The last few days, I have been able to personally celebrate many milestones.   I celebrated 4 months of sobriety and I celebrated my first wedding attendance in sobriety! I cannot tell you this past week has been easy...it hasn't.  I've had days where my anxiety was through the roof! I can tell you, that it has all been worth staying sober though, because I actually feel great this morning and ready to face new adventures! No regrets, no hangovers, no "why did I do that" moments, or "why did I say that" moments? It was me, just being me, and all of my vulnerabilities for everyone to see!  I honestly feel that my anxiety was in full gear the past few days due to the anticipation of Julia and Brandon's BIG Wedding Day!  Although, the evening in finality was absolutely perfect in every way, leading up to the event I was a nervous wreck.  This would be the first big event I have attended sober, AND it was the first wedding I think ...

November 25, 2022 118 days  The week of Thanksgiving is always special! I find it somewhat enchanting, because the Holiday Season begins to surround us with the hustle and bustle of people getting ready for Christmas. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, because it doesn't involve gift giving, just the joy of giving thanks for the many blessings we have received. I also am a TURKEY BABY, I was born on Thanksgiving Day in 1979. I've always associated my birthday with fruit cake rather than birthday cake! Overall, it has always been a very special time of year! With that being said, as special it is, prior to sobriety, my alcoholism still seemed to rear its ugly head. The joy and excitement of the season, that I once longed for, had vanished.  Last year, this time, I was getting ready to have my first surgery for breast cancer.  Although the days and weeks, seem somewhat blurred together, I do remember being so sick I wasn't even able to make it to Thanksgiving....

  November 19, 2022 112 days Unmanageable. That was what my life had become prior to sobriety.  Completely and utterly unmanageable.  I was so desperate for a solution, I would have done almost anything to get some manageability back into my life. I felt like I was a failure at everything, all aspects of life...my home, my relationships, and my health. Desperation was what finally led me to make a choice, and I pray that it will be one that lasts forever.  Sobriety was the remaining key that could lead me out of the hell hole I had gotten myself into.   In the end of July, I checked myself into rehab with the assistance of my husband. It was something we had discussed and arranged for days prior to my arrival. My home, and all aspects of it, were failing.  I was spending my days planning my next drink or drinking.  Boredom/loneliness were huge driving factors for many of my alcohol driven habits. I am learning that now. I have had to retrain mysel...

 November 11, 2022 104 days Yesterday evening was another huge accomplishment for me.  The task...shopping for a new Christmas tree! Sometimes, the simplest things, an alcoholic will turn into something formidable. My challenge was to actually enjoy doing something with my family, without thinking about alcohol the entire time.  I accomplished that!!! I also had fun and felt very loved.  Our evening began going to Lowe's to look at artificial trees.  We have always bought real Christmas trees in the past, but to be honest, I am tired of the mess and hassle a real tree brings.  Real trees also don't smell like I always dreamed they would.  At this point, I can buy a candle to capture that ambiance! LOL! James and I argued like we normally do about price and styles, etc. We are not perfect by any means, but I love that man whole-heartedly. We left Lowe's without any luck!  Our next stop was Home Depot! We walked in, and I felt like I was in the scen...

  November 9, 2022 102 days A storm is brewing!!! HURRICANE PARTY!!!  Well, not here, at least! Okay, so I used to love the idea of getting off from work and doing hurricane prep, to simply be satisfied with the notion that I could drink at home in isolation for the next few days. Trust me, it was no hurricane party, but the idea of doing anything else, just seemed displeasing.  I had no clue how much I had engrained this into myself.  It had become a routine. A vicious cycle, once again.  Yesterday afternoon, I was so relieved to be able to get off work and do hurricane prep.  What I didn't realize is how strong the urge to drink would soon follow. I mean it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday afternoon. I got the house all secure, and then the idea of sitting at home, ALONE, for the next few days became a true reality.  What the hell was I going to do?   Unfortunately, the thought of hurricanes, unnerves my daughter.  She has every r...

 November 5, 2022 98 days Last night was FRI-YAY evening! Typically, I would have been biting at the bit to go out because I could drink!  Even worse, I would have already been drinking before my husband got home from work...trying to get my evening started!   Last night, was a first of many future DATE NIGHTS to come, I hope. I was starving by 3:00pm.  I had not eaten lunch or anything.  Once again, hunger typically is a trigger for me, and this afternoon was no different.  Due to my stronger awareness of these types of situations, rather than bitch at my husband about where we were going to go, I actually made a quick dinner.  Nothing special, I promise, but we were both very hungry by the time it was done and willing to eat it! LOL!  Despite my history with alcohol, as I have mentioned previously, I still like to enjoy some good entertainment.  I have been begging to go  listen to country music for the past few weeks.  With ...

 November 1, 2022 94 days I recently had someone write me, and ask, "How did you get sober?"  Wow!  Ever since I got that message, I have really been contemplating the right answer.  I realized though, "getting" sober is way different than "staying" sober.   Alcohol became a part of my life around 14 years old.  I didn't start heavily drinking until around 16.  I loved to party and socialize.  I felt somewhat special, because I was the DD a lot of times since I had my own car.  Unfortunately though, I was being the "designated driver" under the influence of alcohol.  By the time I was a senior in high school, and 18 years of age, I got my first DUI.  My mom had to bail me out of jail the morning after my prom night...worse part was it was Mother's Day.  Getting in trouble DID have a significant impact on my life.  This was the first time that I vividly remember not drinking. I went off to college and joined a sorority...

October 29, 2022 91 days  Yesterday, I celebrated my 90th day of sobriety!  This is quite an accomplishment for most people in recovery.  We truly are healing emotionally and physically from what we have tortured our bodies with in the past.  After 3 months, you physically begin to see the noticeable difference between a drunken hostage of the disease to a liberated human being.  Emotionally, this has been one of the hardest times, in comparison to my other bouts of sobriety.  I attribute that to how unmanageable my life had become, therefore digging my way out, took a lot more work.  From day 0, I was desperate to get sober this time.  My disease was impacting many aspects of my life.  Actually, it was impacting ALL aspects of my life. That is easier to admit NOW. I literally had lost who I was, and wasn't even sure where to find her.   Physically, my body had become bloated and very overweight.  I am still recovering from my ...

  October 23, 2022 Day 85 Yesterday, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with my baby girl in Gainesville! Weekends like this are essential, because I am desperately trying to reconnect with my family, especially Reina.  Alcoholism weakens your ability to maintain relationships.  Why?  Simply put...alcoholism is a selfish disease that consumes our ability to rationalize important things in life.  Despite how awful alcoholism is, people's ability to see a strength in me, is what keeps me sober.   Our trip to Gainesville was to go to the UF Swine Field Day.  At first I hesitated about making the drive, but I am finding that anytime I can spend with Reina, I really need to take advantage of.  She was excited and brought a wonderful friend to join us.  She is now 17...talks of college and universities are at the forefront.  This was perfect timing for us to go visit the University of Florida campus, and start talking grades, t...

  October 19, 2022 Day 81 As time goes on, our lives become filled with a greater peace then ever before prior to sobriety.   My true focus up to this point has been faith, family, and friends.  These were my foundations from Day 1, and I still make these my top priority each and every day. Through these 3 things, I have now accomplished 81 days of SOBRIETY! Wh en we first get sober, you count hours, literally, that you are able to withhold from your addiction.  As this gets easier, we learn to implement strategies that can help us maintain our sobriety. We also learn that our lives were unmanageable with the substance of choice, and the thought of drinking (in my case) begins to subside over time. I questioned, "Do I really want to go back to that old life?"  Without faith, I would not even be at Day 81, as I am today. Ever since I had my "awakening" in sobriety, God was who I turned to in my time of desperation, and continues to be who I turn to each an...

  October 15, 2022 Day 77 Yesterday was a day that was very surreal to me.  It was my last day working for Brevard Public Schools as a contract employee.  I felt a mix of emotions, and at the same time it was a great day to realize I am still so full of "triggers."  Sobriety = Reality.  Yesterday was REALITY. I remember a good friend saying about sobriety, "The good thing is that you get your feelings back...the bad thing is that you get your feelings back." I have often thought about that phrase because she was so right, my feelings have returned in a plethora of ways.  Sometimes, I am not even sure which direction they are coming from!  I was extremely exhausted due to lack of sleep Thursday night.  As I have mentioned previously, lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me. Friday morning began around 2:30am, I worked on finalizing report cards. Life of a teacher?  I don't think some people realize the extent of hours that are put into this "ca...

 October 11, 2022 73 days!  I mentioned in yesterday's blog, that I had identified some things that I knew caused me anxiety when facing the work week.  If you don't already know, I am a teacher!  I have always loved my job, loved working with students, and I love the county that I work in.  After being diagnosed with breast cancer last year though, my feelings toward work greatly changed. The passion that I once felt about being in the classroom, had diminished.   When I was new in sobriety, I had initially hoped the anxiety I had been feeling the past year or two about work, would fade once I had quit drinking. Unfortunately though, I quickly realized that the same anxiety I had about work, before I quit drinking, returned. I discussed this with my family intensely prior to returning to work in September.  Although, I truly did not know what my game plan would be, I knew that I needed to be home MORE, and my family needed me MORE! I had been unk...

  October 10, 2022 72 days Monday mornings.  Oh boy!  This a topic that I haven't wanted to address!  The reality is, preceding my sobriety, a Monday morning meant HELL for me.  I was unhappy with so many things, beginning with myself, it was just a reminder of all the things I didn't accomplish the week before.  It was also a reminder of all the things I still had left to do.   Prior to that "typical" Monday morning, my Sundays were usually spent trying to "Sunday Fun-day" somewhere! This could encompass a multitude of things, but at the end of the day it resulted in me drinking.  Drinking led to feeling like a complete disaster, and hence the next day...a Monday, off to a horrible start.  Sunday Depression is very common.  Many people deal with anxiety related to the work week ahead, or even if you don't work, just the unknown of what's to come in the week ahead. This anxiety could be for a multitude of factors, but either way, we...

  October 9, 2022 71 days One of the things I find that I truly enjoy in my newfound sobriety is getting out of the house, and just enjoying the weather, my family, some good food, sometimes some good entertainment, and just being happy! I also know that I am bound to find triggers along the way, so rather than living a life in seclusion, I am slowly embracing this new life, very aware of my triggers, and implementing my "toolbox" of strategies as urges arise.  Yesterday evening, we decided to go to Fort Pierce to meet up with Brad and Devan and adorable Hallie!  They also had some friends down there too, but it was truly a beautiful evening!  Did I have triggers? YES!  But, I am finding that communicating those triggers with my loved ones, has been so helpful.  We use the HALT (Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?) strategy a lot!  I find that one of my largest triggers is HUNGER.  Once I eat, my urge to drink is quickly diminished.   I don't ...

October 8, 2022 70 DAYS   I am "blogging" as a way to document my journey through sobriety!  I am excited about this opportunity, but more importantly I am excited to have something that I can reflect upon to see my continued personal growth.   Sobriety is, no doubt, about self-reflection.  I have decided to wake-up each day, and with God's guidance, CHOOSE sobriety!  I choose sobriety because I know it has, will, and continue to bring me a life full of peace within.  Today, is day 70!  70 days into sobriety!!!  These small milestones are always a reason to reflect and think about the personal accomplishments that I have achieved so far on my sobriety journey.  I am realizing this is becoming way bigger than just STAYING sober each day, but it's about LIVING a healthier life physically, emotionally, and mentally each and every day.  I am building stronger relationships with myself, family, and others.  All of this takes time. I...