Wedding Jitters!

 December 4, 2022

127 days

The last few days, I have been able to personally celebrate many milestones. I celebrated 4 months of sobriety and I celebrated my first wedding attendance in sobriety! I cannot tell you this past week has been easy...it hasn't.  I've had days where my anxiety was through the roof! I can tell you, that it has all been worth staying sober though, because I actually feel great this morning and ready to face new adventures! No regrets, no hangovers, no "why did I do that" moments, or "why did I say that" moments? It was me, just being me, and all of my vulnerabilities for everyone to see! 

I honestly feel that my anxiety was in full gear the past few days due to the anticipation of Julia and Brandon's BIG Wedding Day!  Although, the evening in finality was absolutely perfect in every way, leading up to the event I was a nervous wreck.  This would be the first big event I have attended sober, AND it was the first wedding I think I have ever attended sober! 4 months or 1 day sober, didn't make a difference, I was ready to lay under a rock and hide!  This time I couldn't hide my social anxiety behind a cocktail glass! I had to face this day head on.  

Prior to the wedding, I had already armed myself with an array of tools from my toolkit that could be used at any moment.  I had my sponsor on speed dial, I had my beautiful daughter with me reassuring me I needed to do this, and I had my phenomenal husband right by my side, every step of the way, promising me I COULD do this! Hell, my husband even got me a fountain coke, to keep inside the car, as my "just in case"! And it did come in so handy! Besides my Higher Power guiding me, the love that continues to surround me during times like this, is just so powerful! 

Upon arrival, I immediately began to see friends of all timespans!  Everyone was so encouraging and I am always pleasantly surprised that my sobriety either is a non-issue for some, while others find it personally inspiring. No one is ever negative about it! Either way, it makes me happy to realize that people are willing to accept me SOBER! I did have to use my escape plan, prior to dinner, and my amazing husband took me back to the house so I could change and just take a little breather. My husband, is an absolute saint!  His support, on this journey, has been absolutely unwavering.  I am continually amazed at the way he loves me and encourages me.  

We left the wedding at about 9:00 pm.  My husband was having a great time, but I knew for me, it was time to wrap it up.  I am learning my boundaries, but the best part is, that I am able to have my spouse right there beside me. I can enjoy and feel all the emotions at such a beautiful event like this!  I am present, for once, and not trying to see how long the line is at the cocktail bar! I can fully engage in conversations, and that is a tremendous feat for me!  I enjoy people from a different perspective now, a sober perspective.  I value their time and conversation. I had someone actually tell me that I looked alive!  I'll take it!  I feel alive now! It's a another great day to be sober and alive! 

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