Sweet Blessings!

November 25, 2022

118 days

 The week of Thanksgiving is always special! I find it somewhat enchanting, because the Holiday Season begins to surround us with the hustle and bustle of people getting ready for Christmas. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, because it doesn't involve gift giving, just the joy of giving thanks for the many blessings we have received. I also am a TURKEY BABY, I was born on Thanksgiving Day in 1979. I've always associated my birthday with fruit cake rather than birthday cake! Overall, it has always been a very special time of year! With that being said, as special it is, prior to sobriety, my alcoholism still seemed to rear its ugly head. The joy and excitement of the season, that I once longed for, had vanished. 

Last year, this time, I was getting ready to have my first surgery for breast cancer.  Although the days and weeks, seem somewhat blurred together, I do remember being so sick I wasn't even able to make it to Thanksgiving.  Part of it, was that I was truly sick, emotionally and physically. The other part of it was because I am sure I had drank too much the night before, trying to numb the emotional pain of what I was experiencing. Spending time with family and friends, had become a daunting task.  One that was filled with a ton of anxiety and shame.  Once again, I had become someone I was not proud of. Believe it or not, most of my family does not drink, especially during the Holidays. It just hasn't been something that was ever incorporated into our celebrations.  This, might be, another reason I decided to self-isolate during this time.  Being alone, just felt better. Looking back, I realize how selfish I had become.  I was choosing alcohol, over my family and friends, and even sacrificing my self. 

This year, I can proudly say, I spent alcohol free! Tuesday was my birthday, and although it was simple, it was just perfect.  One of my best friends, Carol, took me to lunch.  I am always so fascinated by her beauty on the inside and out. She is just one of the most genuine people you will ever want to meet. She is always so uplifting, and her spirit is just contagious! It meant so much to me that she was willing to take time out of her day, to spend with me.  I truly have a deeper appreciation for people like Carol, that truly believe in my sobriety.  She reminds me that most people, are kind and supporting, and they want others to succeed. 

Later that evening, I got to spend time with James' family and our kiddos!  I still feel like I am never able to express my true gratitude for the care and love his family has always given me. They are gems!  James' family has always welcomed Reina and I with open arms. My husband values family so greatly, and it shows in the graciousness that surrounds them all. We are so blessed to have the amazing kiddos that we do.  They radiate with such love and compassion.

Thanksgiving Day, was a little surreal.  James was at the station, and it always pulls at my heart strings a little when he is gone.  Reina and I had an early lunch with my parents.  I always enjoy spending time with them.  As dysfunctional as we are as a family, I look up to my parents for continued guidance, strength, and love.  I admire their devotion to one another and to our family unit. I truly feel the love they have for Reina and I, and there is nothing better than that. After lunch, Reina and I went to go get cheesecake at one of our favorite restaurants, Sebastian Saltwater. When my drinking had hit its pinnacle, I would have rarely taken an opportunity like this one, to spend time with my daughter.  I valued time alone drinking, more than I valued anything else.  Now, I truly embrace opportunities like this, to enjoy the time with have together. She is truly a blessing! 

This week has been a time of overall reflection.  I am so thankful for the family and friends that I have, that truly love me and my journey of healing. I am grateful for their support, and I value them differently now, than I had in the past. I am slowly learning to love myself again, and that speaks volumes. I look forward to continued growth, so that I can be an overall better person as a wife, mom, step-mom, grandmother, daughter, and friend! I have a long way to go, but I will continue to count my blessings! 










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