Strength

 October 23, 2022

Day 85

Yesterday, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with my baby girl in Gainesville! Weekends like this are essential, because I am desperately trying to reconnect with my family, especially Reina.  Alcoholism weakens your ability to maintain relationships.  Why?  Simply put...alcoholism is a selfish disease that consumes our ability to rationalize important things in life.  Despite how awful alcoholism is, people's ability to see a strength in me, is what keeps me sober.  

Our trip to Gainesville was to go to the UF Swine Field Day.  At first I hesitated about making the drive, but I am finding that anytime I can spend with Reina, I really need to take advantage of.  She was excited and brought a wonderful friend to join us.  She is now 17...talks of college and universities are at the forefront.  This was perfect timing for us to go visit the University of Florida campus, and start talking grades, test scores, and financial numbers and figures.  

Throughout the day, I began to realize the true STRENGTH and determination that my daughter displays.  She is independent, but at the same time, she still seeks my guidance.  She is loving, but knows how to "give it to you straight." She is very loyal, and despite my failures, she loves her mom! SHE is one of my main reasons to STAY SOBER! Failure is not an option anymore. 

Recently Reina said to me that she felt more secure in her life than ever before.  Reina has been setting goals, and she aspires to chase big dreams! Reina wants to go to an agricultural school and become an ag teacher.  But it dawned on me, almost Reina's entire life, she put her faith and strength in me to make good choices. It was truly time her mom, of all people, put faith and strength in her! She is strong and capable of doing whatever she puts her mind to, but...SO AM I!!!

As harsh as it sounds, my ability to see the amazing strength my daughter displays within, had been hindered for years by alcoholism.  Everything was about what I wanted, usually alcohol, and everything that goes with it! Pure selfishness.  Reina feels more secure in her life, because she finally has a mom that is 100% clear minded, and more willing to accept her own character defects.  This also takes self-reflection each day. Reina sees the work that I am putting into sobriety so that I can better myself, but also, so I can better my relationships with others. She has believed in me for 17 years of her life! Sometimes, I was just too blinded to see it. 

"The ability to believe in others, defines our strength within." 

* If you know someone who is trying to get sober or maintain sobriety, don't ever stop believing! Stay strong! 

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