Scarlett Chesser

  December 16, 2022 139 days In the past week, I have experienced a range of feelings and emotions.  I was excited to have the opportunity to attend another wedding sober, and I was able to go to our Annual Indian River County Cattlemen's Association Christmas Party and Auction clear headed. As the Big Book describes on page 340, "Alcohol had enslaved me." In the past, it was difficult for me to fathom going anywhere without drinking first.  Especially towards the end of my demise, I needed a drink to just about leave the house and attend any social event. Anxiety, in general, is a huge trigger for me.  Social anxiety, especially, is a huge trigger for me.  I felt like I just couldn't handle the pressure of social events, without taking that first sip.  The problem for me, is, that the first sip always turned into a night long binger and the ramifications of that became more and more apparent.  Last Saturday, James, Reina, and I headed out of town to O...

 December 4, 2022 127 days The last few days, I have been able to personally celebrate many milestones.   I celebrated 4 months of sobriety and I celebrated my first wedding attendance in sobriety! I cannot tell you this past week has been easy...it hasn't.  I've had days where my anxiety was through the roof! I can tell you, that it has all been worth staying sober though, because I actually feel great this morning and ready to face new adventures! No regrets, no hangovers, no "why did I do that" moments, or "why did I say that" moments? It was me, just being me, and all of my vulnerabilities for everyone to see!  I honestly feel that my anxiety was in full gear the past few days due to the anticipation of Julia and Brandon's BIG Wedding Day!  Although, the evening in finality was absolutely perfect in every way, leading up to the event I was a nervous wreck.  This would be the first big event I have attended sober, AND it was the first wedding I think ...

November 25, 2022 118 days  The week of Thanksgiving is always special! I find it somewhat enchanting, because the Holiday Season begins to surround us with the hustle and bustle of people getting ready for Christmas. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, because it doesn't involve gift giving, just the joy of giving thanks for the many blessings we have received. I also am a TURKEY BABY, I was born on Thanksgiving Day in 1979. I've always associated my birthday with fruit cake rather than birthday cake! Overall, it has always been a very special time of year! With that being said, as special it is, prior to sobriety, my alcoholism still seemed to rear its ugly head. The joy and excitement of the season, that I once longed for, had vanished.  Last year, this time, I was getting ready to have my first surgery for breast cancer.  Although the days and weeks, seem somewhat blurred together, I do remember being so sick I wasn't even able to make it to Thanksgiving....

  November 19, 2022 112 days Unmanageable. That was what my life had become prior to sobriety.  Completely and utterly unmanageable.  I was so desperate for a solution, I would have done almost anything to get some manageability back into my life. I felt like I was a failure at everything, all aspects of life...my home, my relationships, and my health. Desperation was what finally led me to make a choice, and I pray that it will be one that lasts forever.  Sobriety was the remaining key that could lead me out of the hell hole I had gotten myself into.   In the end of July, I checked myself into rehab with the assistance of my husband. It was something we had discussed and arranged for days prior to my arrival. My home, and all aspects of it, were failing.  I was spending my days planning my next drink or drinking.  Boredom/loneliness were huge driving factors for many of my alcohol driven habits. I am learning that now. I have had to retrain mysel...

 November 11, 2022 104 days Yesterday evening was another huge accomplishment for me.  The task...shopping for a new Christmas tree! Sometimes, the simplest things, an alcoholic will turn into something formidable. My challenge was to actually enjoy doing something with my family, without thinking about alcohol the entire time.  I accomplished that!!! I also had fun and felt very loved.  Our evening began going to Lowe's to look at artificial trees.  We have always bought real Christmas trees in the past, but to be honest, I am tired of the mess and hassle a real tree brings.  Real trees also don't smell like I always dreamed they would.  At this point, I can buy a candle to capture that ambiance! LOL! James and I argued like we normally do about price and styles, etc. We are not perfect by any means, but I love that man whole-heartedly. We left Lowe's without any luck!  Our next stop was Home Depot! We walked in, and I felt like I was in the scen...

  November 9, 2022 102 days A storm is brewing!!! HURRICANE PARTY!!!  Well, not here, at least! Okay, so I used to love the idea of getting off from work and doing hurricane prep, to simply be satisfied with the notion that I could drink at home in isolation for the next few days. Trust me, it was no hurricane party, but the idea of doing anything else, just seemed displeasing.  I had no clue how much I had engrained this into myself.  It had become a routine. A vicious cycle, once again.  Yesterday afternoon, I was so relieved to be able to get off work and do hurricane prep.  What I didn't realize is how strong the urge to drink would soon follow. I mean it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday afternoon. I got the house all secure, and then the idea of sitting at home, ALONE, for the next few days became a true reality.  What the hell was I going to do?   Unfortunately, the thought of hurricanes, unnerves my daughter.  She has every r...

 November 5, 2022 98 days Last night was FRI-YAY evening! Typically, I would have been biting at the bit to go out because I could drink!  Even worse, I would have already been drinking before my husband got home from work...trying to get my evening started!   Last night, was a first of many future DATE NIGHTS to come, I hope. I was starving by 3:00pm.  I had not eaten lunch or anything.  Once again, hunger typically is a trigger for me, and this afternoon was no different.  Due to my stronger awareness of these types of situations, rather than bitch at my husband about where we were going to go, I actually made a quick dinner.  Nothing special, I promise, but we were both very hungry by the time it was done and willing to eat it! LOL!  Despite my history with alcohol, as I have mentioned previously, I still like to enjoy some good entertainment.  I have been begging to go  listen to country music for the past few weeks.  With ...