6 months - My Personal Story

 January 29, 2023

6 months!

This morning I went to a meeting and graciously received my 6 month chip!  Upon leaving my meeting, I sat in the car and tears began to roll down my face. I was overcome with complete joy!!!  Ironically, the song, "Maybe It's Time" sung by Bradly Cooper in the movie, "A Star is Born" came across my Spotify. When listening to the lyrics, there were some that just were profound to me. "Maybe it's time to let the ole' ways die...I'm glad I can't go back to where I came from, I'm glad those days are gone, gone for good." Today, I was literally able to let an old piece of me die, and it felt so liberating.  

I find that when listening to or reading personal stories of recovery that they have 3 things in common: what we were like, what happened, and what are we like now. My story is no different than many, but it is my personal journey into 6 months of sobriety. It is MY story as of TODAY...forever editing details along the way! I was, am, and will always be an alcoholic! I am grateful that God actually blessed me with a story to tell. Alcoholism isn’t picky…it can ruin your life. Some don’t ever make it into recovery. I am blessed that my Higher Power actually guides me through recovery and sobriety each day. 

It’s hard to examine who I was while drinking. Hell, I don’t even know who I am at this point in my life, but things are becoming much clearer with each new day I gain in sobriety. I am pretty sure I knew at an early age that I was an alcoholic. Thankfully, I had been introduced to the concept of alcoholism, due to my dad’s personal battle. He has now been recovered close to 17 years, but when I was a child, he had failed numerous times at getting sober...like so many of us! The disease is relentless. 

My mom never drank. She constantly instilled this fear in me of becoming an alcoholic like my father. Sooo, I knew the threat was real, but despite both of their warnings, I took my first drink at a family event around the age of 14. I feel like I knew early on that I was destined to be an alcoholic. I could just feel it in my bones. The warmth it gave me was just too euphoric. The brain isn’t even fully developed until around the age of 21, so making rational decisions about my drinking was not in my favor, despite the countless warnings my parents gave me at an early age. 

I got my first DUI on my prom night at the age of 18. My poor mother (and father) had to pick me up from jail the next day, which just happened to be Mother’s Day. I went to my first "meeting" proceeding my arrest and as part of my probation sentence. Although I despised it at the time, it would later be valuable to me in my quest for sobriety. It introduced me to a framework that I knew could help people like myself…but I had to be willing and ready! I had to admit I was an alcoholic. At the age of 18, I guess I just felt like I had a lot more living to do, and I wasn’t ready to admit that I could potentially be an alcoholic.

I tried controlled drinking, and it worked for years. Fear of what alcohol would do to me, kept me from drinking after my DUI for about 10 years. After high school, I left for college and joined a sorority. College life was really good, and I hardly drank, if at all. The year I graduated from college, I got married. A few short years after that,  I had a beautiful baby girl…

About 6 years after marriage to my first husband, I decided to end the marriage for personal reasons. During the years after my divorce, I decided to start drinking again. It started out as a way to cure my social anxieties…especially in regards to dating, but over the years, alcohol seemingly became the cure for all my anxieties!

In 2019, I openly began to admit I had a problem with drinking. I knew I had a disease, I knew what it was it called, I knew I had a problem with it, and I even knew there was a solution…a fellowship of alcoholics. But contrary to what I already knew, my mind decided that I would try some more controlled drinking and deny the resources that I knew were available to me. I was successful for about 6 months, then all hell broke loose! 

I got married in May of 2020 which helped create my excuse as to why I could “try” drinking again. COVID was in the early stages of placing its haunting grasp across the country. Florida, like many other states, had experienced closures of all types in the early stages of the pandemic. This created the perfect storm for sitting at home…lonely and bored! So, I decided to drink! By 2021, the disease of alcoholism had infected me.  I was chronically ill with alcoholism.  

In July of 2021 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. We scheduled my double mastectomy for December that same year. I had the excuse to drink because I had cancer. After my surgery, I was home again a lot more than usual, and therefore became even more lonely and bored. I then drank because I was recovering from cancer. I had one more surgery in May of 2022, and then I drank because I had been a victim of cancer. 

So what happened? By July of 2022, my light was no longer dimmed by alcohol...it was completely gone. The disease had completed consumed me. There are no words to express the emotional distress I was in, not to mention, my failing physical health. I knew I was an alcoholic and I could continue in the state I was in and die an alcoholic death or begin to ask for help! Thankfully, my family was a huge support system for me, and we opted that I should try rehab.

In July of 2022 I entered rehab and was reintroduced to a fellowship of people whose common goal was sobriety. I found strength and accountability when I attended those meetings each evening. Unfortunately, it was in rehab, that I tested positive for COVID. I had to leave and I remember feeling initially jaded and deflated. I really wanted sobriety. What would I do if I didn’t have the rehab to help me? I began to pray!  It was in these very early stages of sobriety that I found my Higher Power...bright white light and all. It was in my time of complete desperation that I surrendered my past for a new future! 

I am now 6 months sober! The answer to my problem was here all along...I just wasn’t ready. I try to go to at least 2 meetings a week and I even sought out a sponsor. I have used the personal stories of the members in in the particular fellowship that I partake, as a means for personal growth and accountability. The stories I read about or listen to help guide my future. I still have so much work to do, a lifetime worth, but I love learning new things each day. I look forward to the day I can help someone get sober and find a new strength within. 

The overall improvement in my life is profound. It is proof that that there is hope in recovery!!! I have found that my marriage is better than ever! I feel love in such a different way than I did before. My relationship with my daughter has grown tremendously, even though there is still a lot of healing to do. I am more confident in myself, than ever before. By giving up control of my life to a Higher Power, I have regained who I am destined to be! 

6 months of sobriety feels amazing!